Category: Lonely

How to make them respect you?

‘Nowadays no one is real friend, all of them are mean. She does that. He says that’, it’s very common to hear these words among family groups and friend circles. The one complaining is not noticing that these lines suggest they are not being respectful towards the person they are talking about. And, one of the most important elements of any strong relationship is respect… mutual respect. While mutual affection is important too, I really believe a relationship devoid of passionate love can still be saved but virtually it is not possible to continue with a relationship lacking mutual respect.

I emphasis on adjective “mutual”. It has to be from both sides. If you believe somebody is not worth your respect or the other person believes that you are not worth respect, what’s point of staying in relationship with that person. And, if you think they don’t deserve to be respected as you are richer, smarter, bigger or better, you don’t deserve that relationship anyways. In both the cases complaining is futile.

Respect does not only mean how we talk to a person or behave in public or certain social set up. Respect also includes how we think about that person. And, it is more important than talking. Our relationship does not depend on how we behave but also on how we think about them is equally or I would say more important. Vibrations follows thoughts and the kind of thoughts we create for the other reaches to them in form of vibrations and one can feel it really deep. Have you ever felt really nasty and uncomfortable in presence of some person all though apparently that person is behaving well within the socially acceptable norms? Have you ever felt like I did so much for that person, so many gifts, such nice appreciating words but our relationship is not that good? Check what you were thinking inside while you were doing all the things outside. Have you ever cooked and served unwillingly with a fake smile, thinking ‘why did he came this point of time? Oho, now I have to cook. People don’t even see time these days before self-inviting themselves. I wish they go fast and do not plan a stay over.’? If this is the quality of thoughts we create, what kind of relationship can we really expect? And then, we say, see I did so much for them but they don’t even bother to say a thank you. And the vicious cycle of thoughts goes on, ‘nowadays no one is ……….’

I completely understand there are a few people who are really thankless and go around believing the world owes them something. We for sure cannot really expect mutual respect from them and hence no real relationship will be developed. No expectations there but once in a while doing an introspection is really helpful.

I strongly believe in law of karma and understand that eventually we receive what we give. In order to receive we must be willing to give first. Be it a romantic relationship, professional one or a friendship mutual respect will make it stronger, deeper and more meaningful.

In a seminar a sage asked, “who all wants to know how to make their partners respect them?” Audience raised their right hands tall, unanimously. The sage said, “Give respect”.

-Nileema Jhunjhunwala


Do you need people because you are lonely?
Are you lonely?
Do you fear being lonely?
Do you condemn people who are happy alone? (happy without you)?

Every soul in the world drama is separate individual. We all are lonely. This is the truth. The question is how you are – sad lonely or happy lonely? Confused lonely or crystal lonely? Crying alone or meditating alone? Lonely with crowd around or poised and focused lonely? Blessed lonely or scared lonely?

We are so accustomed having people around or living in clusters that we have almost lost sight of our individual and independent nature of bliss. Fear of being alone scare a few people so much that they even try to somehow just fit in the platforms of social media no matter how irrelevant it feels. I have seen people condemning people who are happy without them just because they themselves are scared of being left behind alone. I have heard of people who feel so uncomfortable alone in their own houses that they switch on tv for whole day whether they are watching it or not so that they hear some noise, else they feel scare lonely. People try to avoid their inner voice (because they do not understand it). And, so to forget about themselves they do all sort of activities – from window shopping to watching tv to mindless eating to spending time with unknown people on social media or working extra hours even when it is not required, just so that they do not feel lonely. All these activities may engage you, nothing wrong in window shopping but those will not fill your inner emptiness. This understanding is important.

Loneliness is an inner vacuum and it’s a waste to try to fill it with external experiences. Avoiding being alone simply means that do not like your own company. Why so? Because you do not love or like your own self. Once you learn to accept and love yourself, a sense of contentment, self-esteem and self-dependency will fill your heart. You will start recognising your own talents, capabilities and self-worth. With that you will start feeling comfortable with yourself and the fear of loneliness will disappear. (High chances you will start attracting more people around as positivity attracts more souls).

Once you gain convinced ease with who you are, the need for external approval, the desire to acquire external acceptance, the urge to be surrounded by people diminishes miraculously.

Months back I read a short story:
After an extensive and tiring journey, a king reached a treasured healer in a tiny town set in the difficulties of a big mountain.
“Why don’t you live in one of the populated metropolises?” The visitor asked.
“Because I like it here,” the healer said.
“But, it’s so distant!”
“Distant from who?”, asked the healer with his simple innocence, revealing, the more one is in touch with the self, the less one feels the need to be in touch with others. The one who basks in the bliss of solitude dives in the inner ocean of equanimity. Such a person is never far from the self. And When you are close to yourself, you don’t feel lonely. And as you start enjoying your own company, you will love people around you and not need them.

Helping people lead happy lives.
-Nileema Jhunjhunwala

All thoughts & beliefs expressed on my websites are based on my perspective and my own understanding of the knowledge.

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